When a loss is a win

20270174_10155642959610229_265341183_n

When I started writing ‘Break Up and Shine’, I wanted to show others that a painful divorce need not be the end of everything good in your life, however horrendous it feels in the beginning. You can heal and move on, and it can also be the catalyst to make your life way better than it would ever have been, had you stayed in the relationship.

This week has resulted in one of the biggest testimonies to the changes my life took after my ex-husband left. My grief led to soul searching, which led to a lot of personal development work, which led to embarking on counselling training which ultimately, (after almost 4 years) has led to me finally becoming a qualified counsellor! Continue reading “When a loss is a win”

Got to be real

butterfly.jpg

It’s been a long while since I last posted here; almost 6 months! When I stopped feeling guilty, lazy, or like I was letting people down, I realised that that’s ok. I’ve really missed writing, but when life takes over, or when the blog is not calling me, I can’t force it. So this post is dedicated to being true, and thank you to those still reading.

It’s important for me to share today because sometimes the most uncomfortable things are the things which will help us most. Healing from break-up means looking at the pain and acknowledging it, as well as being positive and striving to move beyond it.

Continue reading “Got to be real”

Sometimes it’s ok not to be ok

This week I had a mini revelation.

It’s ok to say you’re not ok.

During the healing of my marriage break-up I worked hard to turn around my perspective on life; focus on the good stuff in order to bring in more good (the law of attraction); learn to love myself and my flaws, and see the opportunity for growth in all situations. Living this way healed me from my crisis, it brought me new love and a happier life.

But I got myself into a bit of a fix. Being positive, a survivor of hardship and strong under pressure became who I was. At times I felt amazingly strong, but I forgot about the part of me that was just human, not superhuman. I began to put higher expectations on myself to achieve personal goals. I hoped that I could fit everything I wanted and needed to do into a mere 24 hours a day, and still be happy and serene. I realised I was trying to juggle three children as a single parent, run a household alone, write a book and a blog, find quality time for me, find quality time with my partner, work a job, train on a course and care for my elderly mother who is in declining health. Continue reading “Sometimes it’s ok not to be ok”

3 Ways to Know If Our Perceptions of Each Other Are Accurate

My latest post is another article for Tiny Buddha. This is a helpful one for if you’ve ever struggled with the concept that observing negative behaviour in others is always just a projection of your own negativity – I know I certainly did!

Here’s how I understand things better now: 3 Ways to Know if Our Perceptions Of Each Other Are Accurate

I’d love to know if this resonates with you, and what you think. Feel free to comment below.

Marissa x

Does time really heal a broken heart?

How long should you give yourself to get over the end of a relationship?

We rightly accept that when we face a loss we must give ourselves the time and space to heal. Grief is valid and vital. To push on through without allowing grief and all the emotions that go with it is repressing part of who you are. But how long is long enough?

Of course there is no standard answer. It’s all relative and personal. It’s a question of how long is long enough for you.

If we wait passively it can be a very long time. It is possible to move on to a new happy fulfilled life, yet still have fleeting moments of sadness, poignancy or nostalgia years later. That’s healthy and very human. Continue reading “Does time really heal a broken heart?”

How to handle conflict with your ex…and truly win

butterfly.jpg  “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists”                                                                                              Eckhart Tolle                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Conflict and disagreement are inevitable when a relationship breaks up, especially if the circumstances are unexpected or painful. If there are ongoing ties such as a marriage to dissolve, a home to divide, or children to care for, the disputes can go on for many years.

Each new episode of conflict can be stressful, draining and leave you feeling you are stuck with all the pain of being around that person, yet none of the former benefits. So how do you stop the stress of conflict taking over and preventing you from moving on with your life?

Continue reading “How to handle conflict with your ex…and truly win”

Why Valentine’s day is for the broken-hearted too

cropped-p1030055.jpgIt’s that time of year that brings out a mix of the true romantics, the annual big-gesture- makers, and the cynics to have their say on love.

I am one of those in awe of true love and happy relationships; I adore romance, yet I can take or leave Valentine’s day. But I am not cynical of it. As far I as I’m concerned, if something promotes people being good to each other it is wonderful, even if it is a commercial money spinner.

Continue reading “Why Valentine’s day is for the broken-hearted too”