Got to be real

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It’s been a long while since I last posted here; almost 6 months! When I stopped feeling guilty, lazy, or like I was letting people down, I realised that that’s ok. I’ve really missed writing, but when life takes over, or when the blog is not calling me, I can’t force it. So this post is dedicated to being true, and thank you to those still reading.

It’s important for me to share today because sometimes the most uncomfortable things are the things which will help us most. Healing from break-up means looking at the pain and acknowledging it, as well as being positive and striving to move beyond it.

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Sometimes it’s ok not to be ok

This week I had a mini revelation.

It’s ok to say you’re not ok.

During the healing of my marriage break-up I worked hard to turn around my perspective on life; focus on the good stuff in order to bring in more good (the law of attraction); learn to love myself and my flaws, and see the opportunity for growth in all situations. Living this way healed me from my crisis, it brought me new love and a happier life.

But I got myself into a bit of a fix. Being positive, a survivor of hardship and strong under pressure became who I was. At times I felt amazingly strong, but I forgot about the part of me that was just human, not superhuman. I began to put higher expectations on myself to achieve personal goals. I hoped that I could fit everything I wanted and needed to do into a mere 24 hours a day, and still be happy and serene. I realised I was trying to juggle three children as a single parent, run a household alone, write a book and a blog, find quality time for me, find quality time with my partner, work a job, train on a course and care for my elderly mother who is in declining health. Continue reading

3 Ways to Know If Our Perceptions of Each Other Are Accurate

My latest post is another article for Tiny Buddha. This is a helpful one for if you’ve ever struggled with the concept that observing negative behaviour in others is always just a projection of your own negativity – I know I certainly did!

Here’s how I understand things better now: 3 Ways to Know if Our Perceptions Of Each Other Are Accurate

I’d love to know if this resonates with you, and what you think. Feel free to comment below.

Marissa x

Does time really heal a broken heart?

How long should you give yourself to get over the end of a relationship?

We rightly accept that when we face a loss we must give ourselves the time and space to heal. Grief is valid and vital. To push on through without allowing grief and all the emotions that go with it is repressing part of who you are. But how long is long enough?

Of course there is no standard answer. It’s all relative and personal. It’s a question of how long is long enough for you.

If we wait passively it can be a very long time. It is possible to move on to a new happy fulfilled life, yet still have fleeting moments of sadness, poignancy or nostalgia years later. That’s healthy and very human.

But it becomes damaging  to you when you haven’t moved on from your ex-partner emotionally, are still in pain, you feel other areas of your life are stuck, or you continue to replay relationship disasters. Explaining that ‘time heals’ to someone who is still suffering five or ten years after a divorce, is doing them an injustice. Because if you believe that feeling better is simply a matter of time, and not within your own ability to control, you will eventually give up hope of happiness because it has failed to ‘arrive’.

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I like this quote because it’s empowering. I’ve come to understand that it’s not really the time that heals us at all. Growth is what heals. And the good news is that how quickly we grow from the pain is within our control. The slightly tougher news is that sometimes it takes a lot of work. You have to really want to heal.

So how do we grow?

Well, from my own personal experience, and in no particular order of significance, this is what worked to turn my life around.

  • Learn from the past; don’t let what happened be in vain
  • Forgive
  • Gain perspective of the bigger picture
  • Love and respect yourself; remember your life is still valid and worth living as you, not just as half of a couple.
  • Make positive choices based on the present and future, not living in the past
  • Listen to your inner knowing and trust your intuition
  • Be grateful for the good in your life

Once you begin to grow in these ways, your life becomes not just about healing from your break-up, but about feeling positive and empowered in everything else you do. When you take an active part in your healing, rather than simply wait, the sooner the proverbial tunnel shrinks and the quicker you reach the light at the end.

Do you feel that you have reached your limit of feeling awful and are ready to move on?

What steps can you take today to lift you out of break-up grief and start on a shiny new path? Let me know in the comments below!

With love and support 

Marissa ♥ 

Share: Give and Get Support

butterfly.jpgRelationship break-up is probably one of the most common life crises there is, but that doesn’t make it any less devastating when it happens to you. One of the positives that can come from a painful experience is that, as you heal from it, you have the opportunity to help others going through a similar ordeal.

I want to share readers’ positive stories, so that anyone feeling in the depths of despair right now, can see that there is hope of a happier future.

If you would like to share your story, please contact me on the Get In Touch page. If you would like your story to remain anonymous that’s fine, just let me know and I won’t print your name.

hf_logo[1] I have also started a ‘Break Up and Shine’ group over on the wonderful social networking site Her Future. Please come along to ask advice, seek support or offer inspiration. You will need to sign up to the site in order to join in the forum, but it is a wonderful supportive community for women looking to be inspired in all aspects of life.

Although the Her Future forum is only open to women, anybody wanting to share resources, or ask for support is welcome to comment on my Share page.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Marissa ♥

How to handle conflict with your ex…and truly win

butterfly.jpg  “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists”                                                                                              Eckhart Tolle                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Conflict and disagreement are inevitable when a relationship breaks up, especially if the circumstances are unexpected or painful. If there are ongoing ties such as a marriage to dissolve, a home to divide, or children to care for, the disputes can go on for many years.

Each new episode of conflict can be stressful, draining and leave you feeling you are stuck with all the pain of being around that person, yet none of the former benefits. So how do you stop the stress of conflict taking over and preventing you from moving on with your life?

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Why Valentine’s day is for the broken-hearted too

cropped-p1030055.jpgIt’s that time of year that brings out a mix of the true romantics, the annual big-gesture- makers, and the cynics to have their say on love.

I am one of those in awe of true love and happy relationships; I adore romance, yet I can take or leave Valentine’s day. But I am not cynical of it. As far I as I’m concerned, if something promotes people being good to each other it is wonderful, even if it is a commercial money spinner.

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