In a crisis I become a sponge for knowledge. I love to find solutions for problems; to discover what has worked for others and see if it will work for me too. These days when I connect with recently separated people, what they most want to know is that this pain won’t last for ever and how to make it better. I was the same when my marriage ended; I was emotionally distraught and wanted so desperately to know that it was all going to be ok. My mission became to absorb as much learning as I could about how to heal from emotional pain and how to use the past to become happier and stronger in the future.
I then went on to write this blog and eventually my own “how to” book, to share the processes and methods which led to turning my divorce into the best thing that could have happened for me. In Break Up and Shine, I draw on what I learned in those early days and, if you have read it, you may remember I refer to several key books which helped me. These are what I want to share with you today! Continue reading “The Break-Up and Divorce Reading List”
Moving on after a relationship ends can be one of the biggest emotional struggles you’ll ever face. Grief for your loss and fear of change prevent you from seeing that this break-up could possibly be a blessing in the long run.
When I began to fully accept that my marriage was over, the real work of healing began. Anger or depression can consume us in the beginning when emotions are raw and events are fresh, but further down the line there is an expectation to move on with life. This is when the hard emotional work can set in because accepting that the marriage is over doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly, magically, OK. Continue reading “The 3 Ingredients to Heal a Broken Heart”
I’m so excited to announce that Break Up and Shine is published and available to buy! I started writing this blog 5 years ago because I knew I wasn’t the only person to feel the way I did after a divorce. There are so many people trying to make sense of the fact that what they truly believed was a life-long relationship is now over, and that things will never be the same again.
During my most painful moments, I looked for support in books and online. I found that the more I managed to shift my perspective, the better I felt. I wrote here because I wanted to share these “aha” moments with others struggling with the same emotions.
As people shared with me that they found the blog inspiring and helpful, a book emerged so that I could let others know, in a very straightforward and accessible way, how things turned round for me . In Break Up and Shine I share what I learned about grieving, perspective, forgiveness and self-love. As well as personal insights and practical advice, there are supportive exercises in each chapter to help you reflect on where you are and challenge you to move forwards.
Make this your time to Shine!
Break Up and Shine is available on Amazon
This week I had a mini revelation.
It’s ok to say you’re not ok.
During the healing of my marriage break-up I worked hard to turn around my perspective on life; focus on the good stuff in order to bring in more good (the law of attraction); learn to love myself and my flaws, and see the opportunity for growth in all situations. Living this way healed me from my crisis, it brought me new love and a happier life.
But I got myself into a bit of a fix. Being positive, a survivor of hardship and strong under pressure became who I was. At times I felt amazingly strong, but I forgot about the part of me that was just human, not superhuman. I began to put higher expectations on myself to achieve personal goals. I hoped that I could fit everything I wanted and needed to do into a mere 24 hours a day, and still be happy and serene. I realised I was trying to juggle three children as a single parent, run a household alone, write a book and a blog, find quality time for me, find quality time with my partner, work a job, train on a course and care for my elderly mother who is in declining health. Continue reading “Sometimes it’s ok not to be ok”
How long should you give yourself to get over the end of a relationship?
We rightly accept that when we face a loss we must give ourselves the time and space to heal. Grief is valid and vital. To push on through without allowing grief and all the emotions that go with it is repressing part of who you are. But how long is long enough?
Of course there is no standard answer. It’s all relative and personal. It’s a question of how long is long enough for you.
If we wait passively it can be a very long time. It is possible to move on to a new happy fulfilled life, yet still have fleeting moments of sadness, poignancy or nostalgia years later. That’s healthy and very human. Continue reading “Does time really heal a broken heart?”