I feel like 2016 has been a year of consolidation and sowing the seeds for the next fruitful chapter of my life. I have barely written on this blog all year and have considered whether, six years on from the end of my marriage, it is still relevant or necessary to do so.
I’m in a very different state to when Break Up and Shine began; my life has shifted beyond an exploration of why things happened the way they did and from my initial healing path from divorce. For six years I’ve been busy laying the foundations for a new life, and enjoying it as it unfolds. I’ve grieved for and learned from my marriage; trained in a new career; shared a loving new relationship and reclaimed my life on my terms.
This year my life has slowed down; there has been no rapid progress or big exciting new change, and while I’ve found it frustrating at times (I have lots of big dreams!), I realise now that it’s actually ok. I know that some cycles have ended in order for new ones to begin. I finished 18 months of counselling therapy earlier in the year, which allowed me to release many long held limiting beliefs about myself, and I completed my training as a counsellor so will become qualified shortly within the new year.
Now I’m ready for 2017; a new beginning where I keep all of the goodness from the last 6 years and leave behind the emotional baggage I’ve finally unloaded. This new year will be about reaching for fresh goals and believing they can happen.
Where does this leave Break Up and Shine? Well, I began this blog to share my experience of moving on from divorce, and I’m relieved and happy to find that I want to continue. I never lose sight of the fact that the direction my life is taking now comes from a decision to turn around a horrible situation. I feel very thankful and want to show others that it’s possible. I write less frequently at present, but whenever I do it comes from a place of real passion to share something helpful. So here is my invitation to you this New Year’s Eve:
Set Yourself Goals
1) Wherever you are in your stage of break up (broken on the floor having been deserted at Christmas, or two stressful years into a messy divorce with no end in sight), set some goals. You might have just one, or possibly one hundred, but write something down.
Goals do a wonderful thing; they take your mindset from your present distress to the possibility of something different. They might be baby step goals, or big awe-inspiring dreams. Even if you have no idea how to begin to achieve it, write it down. You don’t have to have it all worked out right now.
2) Don’t panic if you’re reading this and haven’t begun on 1st January! New Year is a powerfully symbolic time to start afresh, but if we all waited for January for permission to set goals there would be a lot of wasted time. Whenever you start is the beginning of your new chapter.
3) Find a system to help you achieve your goal; sometimes desire alone is not enough. For 2017 I am using this awesome workbook by Leonie Dawson to help me become clear on what I want from life, and create steps to get there. But there are many other similar planners on the market, or if you are good at this kind of thing, you can create your own method.
4) Get all the love and support you can from family, friends or support groups. Be kind and encouraging to yourself, and don’t beat yourself up if it feels hard.
You can turn your life around, and I say this with certainty because I managed it from a place where all I could see was a broken heart, single parenthood and misery.
Remember that endings, as painful as they are, always bring new beginnings.
Happy New Year and Happy New You xx